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My Wymyn Character Quiz - 2005-04-03
Angry about my Past - 2005-03-28
I don't wanna jump! - 2005-03-27
Thoughts about Home - 2005-01-25
Songs from My Past Part 2 - 2005-01-15

2005-03-27 - 12a.m.

I'm feeling dizzy, and I think I may have been holding my breath as I read something.

My life has been fairly hectic the last two weeks. The walls and the armor are all coming down quickly and I feel like I am trying in vain to keep them standing. I am honestly terrified. I could be going mad.

The name of my madness is Marc.

After a year of being single and four months of building the potential for a relationship (read "taking things slow") with Matthew, I have tossed caution to the wind for a boy that makes me forget that I practice thinking with my brain not my heart. He makes me smile.
It's been so long since I've smiled because I'm happy, now the smile is there all the time. His name is a short but happy little mantra that plays in my brain and has the ability to make me giggle when moments earlier I was crying over my grandmother.
I don't have a clue as to how I am supposed to handle this. My heart and my brain are conflicting loudly these days, my brain saying "SLOW DOWN! YOU'RE GOING TO GET HURT...AGAIN!"
My heart says, "He's not the others, don't treat him like he's Jon/Shaun/Aaron."
I always think ahead, way ahead. I've been told to enjoy the moment because we don't know what the future holds, but I think that we can certainly weed out what the future WON'T hold, and that's where I get hung up. I can't do temporary and knowing it, AND be happy at the same time. I am such a brat, no?

All that aside, I am in love and scared shitless over it. I just hope that someone remembered to pack the parachute for this jump because this fall could have a very rough landing.

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