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2005-03-28 - 9:29 p.m. I figure I should write about my feelings or some crap that everyone else gets around to in thier variations of web logs. My grandmother was loving and a lot of that love was sent my way. It's one thing to lose a family member but it's hell losing one that really loves you. I am dealing with much more than the loss of my travel buddy though. My grandfather has what the family calls "wandering hands," I was one of the kids who had hands wandered over. I told my mother and her responce was that I shouldn't go over there as much then. For YEARS I stopped visiting my grandmother except for maybe once a month. She was my next door neighbor for sixteen years of my life and as a child I spent every morning and lunch with her. As a teenager when I really needed her the most I found myself avoiding the place because of my fucking grandfather. I am supposed to forgive him though. I have to. It's really hard though, the fucking bastard did it again the day they put my grandmother in the ground. This time to my third cousin... The whole thing makes me angry and it's not something I can talk about to people. The lawyers told me not to, actually the way the whole family treats my trauma is like I made it up to be like my older cousin who was the first victim to my grandfather's "wandering hands." I am angry that I missed out on time with my grandmother because of a perverted old man. I want to tell Marc about this, but I don't know how. How do you bring that up? How do you tell the man you love about childhood atrocities? Ugh. � � |